Lessons Learned

Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now

-Classic Bob Dylan lyric, from the excellent My Back Pages

Well, with less denial, fanfare, and/or total legacy destruction than Brett Favre, I’m entering the twilight of my [first] working life. I graduated almost three years ago and am now in the final weeks of working my second job since those glory days of debarking in DC – getting off the plane, brimming with excitement, instructing the cab driver to please take me to my new address, and hearing him respond by refusing to drive me there and asking me if my parents knew I was living there because “it was no place for a lady.” And no, I wasn't moving to the Red Light District.

I’ll be entering graduate school in the fall and enjoying some summer months of traveling and "hanging out" with family and friends in between.

As I move on to this next stage - in addition to some of the more general self-reflection I should now be engaging in (Must. Find. Direction.), I’ve been asking myself lately what I’ve gotten out of my first three years of working life.

The short answer is, perhaps unsurprisingly, quite a lot. In particular, I figured out some of the things that I don’t want to do (be a lawyer; enable the questionable practices of rich executives; work in Afghanistan; ever live apart from Watson. I mean, Gen, again; work somewhere that blocks Pandora; be late to a World Bank Conference when they are serving those awesome mini croissants; etc.).

Of course, the longer answer is a bit more complicated, especially when you factor in certain wrinkles such as the fact that I'm still figuring out how important my professional identity and goals are to me versus the rest of my sense of self and my ambitions and how I define and seek out "work" versus how I define and pursue intellectual fulfillment.

Regardless (and back to the short answer), the truth is that I learned a tremendous amount in terms of practical skills (oh sweet! so this is how you print double sided), people relations (when someone asks for your "honest assessment," that is a factually incorrect statement), and expanded my knowledge of unique industries and areas of research exponentially (ask me about land titling lotteries in West Africa sometime).

Below are some of my lessons learned. I'd love to hear what other peoples' are?

1. Perhaps of most importance… how to make coffee (and Ravioli Jamboree… but that’s a story for another day).
2. How not to be offended when you notice that no one else drinks the coffee pot you made and if by mistake they do they grimace and immediately dump it out.
3. Always keep a Tide to go pen in your office because Sriracha Sauce can be lethal.
4. Take full advantage of your Outlook calendar (but don't be that executive who calendars time to remember to play with his kids).
5. At some point you (or someone tangent to you) will incriminate/embarrass/screw up some form of email correspondence via such unfortunate booby traps as the Reply All function. This can only end badly. Don't for example by mistake email your superior THIS PICTURE with the subject line “Looking Sexy” when you think you're emailing Gen. The good news is that people eventually get over most things...
6. When writing – less is ALWAYS more. (Credit to my Dad). Except that this is a false "Lesson Learned" because in case you can't tell by the length of this post, I'm still incapable of this.
   
7. No matter how many times you tell your grandmother not to skype you when you’re at work and that you only have Skype on because you’re expecting an ipmortant call from a colleague in Egypt… she will skype you. And if you don’t answer, she will call you 5 more times until you do. And the ring tone will be inappropriate and/or embarrassing.
8. You can get anywhere (if desperate enough) in DC in 15 minutes. You might be sweaty when you've arrived and have ripped your pencil skirt. You can also easily prolong what should be a 5 minute errand on a nice day into a 30 minute one. You might be sweaty when you arrive and have a milkshake spilled on your pencil skirt.
9. Wear tights in the winter. Keep cardigans and scarves around (even if your boyfriend makes jokes about you being eurotrash), it gets really cold in offices. Keep a suit jacket, heels, a hair tie, aspirin, a water bottle, a mug, an extra bag, an extra tupperware in your office. If your office is DC think tank intramural sports inclined - keep an extra set of gym clothes around. You never know when some idiot ring wing nut needs you to lay down the law on the Ultimate Frisbee field.
10. Even when you don't think you can, if you have to, you can always - truly and completely wing it. It helps to throw in terms such as "paradigm shift," "due diligence," "stakeholders," "results oriented," "sustainable," and "multidisciplinary."
11. A holiday party no matter where and with who you work is a total shitshow where all basic human dignity goes out the door. The day after said holiday party (when you have an 8 am client meeting with the coworker you don't really know very well but found yourself enthusiastically singing Like A Virgin with at 2 am in Korea town the night before) is the worse day ever.
12. Saudi Arabian government and business leaders will not ride in the elevator with you (assuming you are a lady) -- do not try to combat their medieval social mores by tricking via a last second surprise elevator jump in as the door closes. They will freak out. Binders will be spilled. Manly shrieking will occur. The translator will be knocked over.
13. Working out at the office gym means seeing certain things you’d prefer not to see and having some conversations you'd prefer not to have.
14. Do not eat Greek Deli and/or any of the Farrugut North localized food carts before a long meeting. You will start nodding off around Slide 8.
15. I realize I have zero credibility here - but it is [almost] ALWAYS a bad idea to become romantically involved with a coworker. It will NEVER stay a secret. Your litmus test should be... would you ever start a blog with them? bahah.
    
16. As much as I’d love a stay-at-home husband, it’s really hard to be full-time working when your friends, family, sig other, [someone close to you] is enjoying "working remotely" or funemployment (read basically laying around your apartment pool with breaks to pound beers and reapply tanning lotion all day to the point that you begin to feel like you’re dating a Jersey Shore cast member who perpetually smells like coconuts... god...thank god that's over)
17. www.Zooborns.com can get you through any tough morning. No website will ever be better than this one. Except for maybe cuteroulette.com
    
18. It doesn’t matter how idealistic or “good” the organization you work for is or how egalitarian and positive you believe and/or state that your personal beliefs and philosophies to be, if you’re treat people unkindly or unfairly in your everyday. You can't both claim to be saving eskimo refugee babies in guatemala and also do things like talk to administrative staff like they're idiots or tip poorly. or for that matter, sexually assault maids (too soon?)
    
19. People keep things in their offices that they shouldn’t keep there. Sometimes you come across said belongings by mistake and it can be quite traumatizing.
20. A surprising number of male execs get manicures.

That’s all for now...

Maybe the better question is - what do I still NOT know. That list would begin with the difference between a tornado watch and a tornado warning...

back when I was a young, inexperienced professional