"Winter is Coming", or How I learned to Stop Criticizing and Love the Ridiculous Fantasy of Game of Thrones

Bibliomancy is the practice of gaining an answer by turning to a random page in a book and seeing what turns up. It's a pretty universal practice across history, especially in a religious context. Sometimes there's a conscious decision to employ the practice: "wondering what to do, I pulled open the Bible and began reading", etc., though it is also quite common for the book to already be open, with the answer already there, waiting. As a graduate business student, I am somewhat dismayed/ashamed that one could never do a statistical analysis of a matter like this, but as a former early American History scholar back in my days of pure humanities undergraduate education, I can attest that the practice was certainly talked about quite a bit in seventeenth-nineteenth century America. Think about it - If you did not have the internet, or television, or news, or any "modern" infrastructure for its time, you would probably be trying to put your education to use to get some answers, too. Obviously, prior devotees of bibliomancy were serverely handicapped through the religious prism. Trust me...bibliomancy is definitely a standard trope of conversion narratives. However, the practice isn't exclusively Protestant, or even Christian. The book isn't always the Bible, or even a Holy Book of any faith. Fate or God or Allah or The Universe or whatever might be speaking to you through anything, because obviously, at the point at which they're speaking to you at all, they've got whatever they want at their disposal. This is God we are talking about, after all.

So anyway, enough of all that. I'm going to do this from time to time with books I have lying around, and I'm going to begin with Nadia's favorite and recently blogged about epic fantasy series, "Game of Thrones". You'll just have to have faith in me that going forward my choices will be truly random. And this is me speaking below, not God. Just want to be clear on that.

The Lesson from Above: 4/17/2011, spoken through the vehicle of A Game of Thrones, 1453-1517 B.W. (Before Winter), the TOTALLY AWESOME ALTERNATIVE MEDIEVAL UNIVERSE OF WESTEROS by George R.R. Martin. Pages 99-101.


"The North went on forever. Tyrion Lannister knew the maps as well as anyone, but a fortnight on the wild track that passed for the kingsroad up here had brought home the lesson that the map was one thing and the land quite another"

I'll say. This book goes on forever. At least a fortnight of my night reading. But I was initially too willing to dismiss this book primarily due to the laughable fact that when you open the front cover, there is a map of Westeros, the alternate universe medieval land where the book takes place, and this "map"...well, let's jus be kind and say that it is is basically a map of the British Isles with names of cities changed. How silly, and also predictable. At this point in the book (the beginning), I'm thinking that the line for an over/under on King Arthur rip-offs is at at least +6.5. That said after 570 pages of reading I will admit that the fiction is truly entertaining. So this excerpt is telling me that no fantasy can be judged on a silly map alone, as the land (so to speak) may be captivating.

Westeros' Edinburgh? Or Scotland's Winterfell? Someone call J.K. Rowling we need a final verdict.

Five men, three boys, a direwolf, twenty horses, and a cage of ravens given over to Benjen Stark by Maester Luwin. No doubt they made a curious fellowship for the kingsroad, or any road.

Interesting. Why does every fantasy novel need to make a big deal about how much fantasy company you can keep in one group? Whether it be a fellowship led by Gandalf or just simply a huge motley crew of animals and humans here, houses divined by a sorting hat, the secret goal of fantasy novels seems to be to expand your group of "friends" to include as many people and animals as possible, regardless of what language they speak or whether you would actually enjoy hanging out with them. How would you feel if you had to walk for months with a midget carrying a ring that is going to destroy the world? Not great, I presume. I guess the lesson is that you can never have too much company in fantasy. But I digress from bibliomancing... what of the cage of ravens? An ill-omen perhaps? No doubt. By the way, a direwolf is apparently just a fictional name for a really big wolf. I know because I Google-imaged it and came up with this fantasy playing card describing what it is and what it does.

Let's roll the die and give it more powers!

Dragonbone is black because of its high iron content, the book told him. It is strong as steel, yet lighter and far more flexible, and of course utterly impervious to fire. Dragonbone bows are greatly prized by the Dothraki, and small wonder. An archer so armed can outrange any wooden bow.

Oh, yeah. F**K, yeah. This is how I pictured this book before I picked it up...hardcore descriptions of fictional stuff. Curious that this is included in the chapter I picked though, because most of the book is dialogue rather than outlining the properties of fantasy raw materials. So what is this telling me? Dragonbone...high iron content. Light, but flexible...can outrange any wooden bow. Eureka! Somehow I need to find this material and manufacture dragonbone golf clubs - high iron, but lighter. Great range. Callaway, I'm coming for you. Although considering that this action takes place in Westeros' foil for Scotland, perhaps the House of Stark has already invented fantasy golf with dragonbone clubs. This book is missing the Quidditch element. Too much political intrigue and not enough play.

AP File Photo - A view of the Dothraki Champion teeing off on the 8th hole of the Tortoise of the Western Aisles, Septon (Saint) Andrews Golf Course, Birthplace of Gowlf, Home of the Westeros (British) Open.

After this, there's discussion of the mysterious... let me make sure I've got this right...The Night Watch. They swear an oath to guard the 700 foot tall Wall which blocks of the Seven Kingdoms from the Haunted Forest, and they do this by patrolling the Northern wilds. Also, they do this for the rest of their life with no chance of coming home. Sounds like Afghanistan. And the Night Watchmen come from House Stark, which serves House Baratheon. The motto of the first is Winter is Coming, that of the latter is Ours is the Fury. So maybe this is about the deficit hawks pulling off a miracle and eclipsing the moderate Republicans? Or maybe the noun is irrelevant. The next paragraph down starts with "the beginnings were slow."

Perhaps that is a final call from above for patience and hope, or a sign to not drop the new HBO miniseries of "Game of Thrones" at the first sign of boredom.

Nadia, I will finish the statement for you..."There is NO MIDDLE GROUND". God, the TV producers have obviously edited out all the good parts.